Dem 'Umies Ain't Smart!

[SC74]

Name: Dem 'Umies Ain't Smart!

Description: On the Jungle World of Ordorin, the IG and Orks are constantly at each other's throats. Sneeky Stabba was in charge of a Mob, readying up an ambush for a patrol of IG Guardsmen.

Status: Open
~~~

"Oi, you fekkin' gitz shuddup! We'z fixin' tuh git dem 'umies! De'ez fixin' tuh come dis a-way!" Stabba said, angry.

"But, Boss, we'ez ain't got no'z rokkit lauchaz! How iz we s'pozed to kill der tanks?" one of the shoota boyz asked.

Stabba gave a growl. "Wif deze 'ere stikk bomms! We'z git real close like, den we stikk deze tings right on ter back, and dey 'splode! Daz 'ow!"

"Oh. Alright boss!"

"Now, shuddup, you'z stoopid git! Here'z dey come!"

[GrapesOnDrapes]

From the Orks' view from the forest, three rows of five guardsmen marched in union, lasguns in marching position. Two more of these three rowed boxes marched forward, followed by a steady column of Leman Russ battle tanks. The men seemed completely fixated on marching, rather than observing the surroundings. The turrets of the tanks were stock still, pointing forward. No one tried looking into the forest. Perfect.

[SC74]

"Heh heh heh! Lookie 'at 'dem stoopid 'umies boyz!" Stabba whispered. "De'ez too dumb to tink 'bout lookin' 'round! Dis is gonna be a massacre! Bahahaha!"

The other orks grinned, their green hands on their choppas and stikk bomms, ready to ambush and slaughter these pathetic IG guards. "Aight boyz, wait on dem to get in der middle, den, bash de'ez 'eads in, and blow der tank 'tings up!" Stabba ordered.

[GrapesOnDrapes]

The convoy kept marching onward, the column of tanks broken by nine more rows of Imperial Guard marching.

[SC74]

"Bahaha! De'ez gettin' closa! Keep yer hands still boyz! Douse yer see-gars! Dun want dem 'umies smellin' us now!"

[GrapesOnDrapes]

The convoy suddenly halted, and dozens of Imperial eyes looked into the forest, directly at your position.
Some human barked orders, involving "in the forest!"

[GrapesOnDrapes]

('Dis be SC74 speaking, though he is not replying in person because his computer is made of fail, he sent me this):
"Oi, Boss, de'ez stoppin', lookin' right at us! What's we do?" asked a Slugga Boy.

"You'z shut da fuck up is what you do, ya git! De'ez can 'ear us! Wait on dem to git closa, den we strike!" said Stabba, growling at the stupid Slugga.

[GrapesOnDrapes]

"FOR THE GOD-EMPEROR! CHARGE!" Someone yelled, yet the Imperial Guard convoy stood still, staring emptily at the Orks.
Suddenly, the thick, dense foliage behind the Orks blew apart as several squads of Tactical Space Marines, all wielding close combat weapons, charged from behind the Orks.
Leading them was a figure of absolute terror, a tall figure clad in the blackest of armor, his faceplate a red skull, swinging a Chainaxe covered with several thick layers of blood.

[SC74]

"Get 'dem bastards, boyz!" Stabba shouted.

"WAAAAAAAGH!!!" The Orks screamed at the top of their lungs, Choppas raised, charging at the new enemy. "Kill 'dem boyz! Take 'der 'eads for prizes!"

The Shoota Boyz turned around firing at the Imperial Guardsmen, trying to hold off the other flank. Immediately after, a Killa Kan sliced through some brush, thudding towards the IG. Stormboyz rocketed up from the brush, and landed behind the Imperials, chopping them to pieces.

[GrapesOnDrapes]

"First Squad and half of Second, take the Sluggers! The rest of second, charged the Shooters!" The Chaplain, Marellus Trisodai, barked.

The Imperial Guardsmen were easily slaughtered, but as the Stormboyz were busy, the Leman Russes had regrouped to form a battle line, a wall of iron, death, and steel. Their turrets aimed dead center at the Killa Kan, and fired all at once.

The First and Second squads charged, and the Chaplain let out a roar and charged "Sneeky Stabba," letting out a volley from his bolt pistol as he did so.

[SC74]

The Killa Kan exploded in an exlosion of junk and parts as the shells hit it simultaneously.

The Sluggas charged into the First and Second squads first, slicing and firing their pistols maniacally. They screamed 'WAAAAGH' as they charged, ready to slice, dice, die, and maim.

Sneeky Stabba grinned as the Chaplain charged. "C'here, youz stoopid 'umie! Youz can't hit a Squiggoth if it stood still!" He ran backwards, throwing stikk bomms as he retreated. He rolled down a hill, out of your sight, and crouched under a thick brush, grinning, his large, Ork teeth poking out from his mouth.

As the Stormboyz finished off the Guardsmen, they flew upward again, and landed behind the behind the squads assaulting the Shootaz, countering their strike, throwing stikk bomms as they came down.

[GrapesOnDrapes]

The Leman Russes reversed and pivoted, turning their turrets to aim at the forest. They fired, careful to aim for only the Orks.

The Chaplain meanwhile, stepped backward and stood still, firing at the retreating Ork, and out of the way of the Stickbombs.
"Your cowardice cannot hide from your deserving punishment, Ork scum."
Marellus crouched, and exploded up into the sky, igniting his own Assault Pack on his back. He soared over the hill, and was coming down directly ontop of "Sneeky Stabba." The Chaplain raised his Chainaxe and was beginning to bring it down, mid-flight.

Many of the First and Second squads were cut down, preoccupied. Some managed to dodge the Stickbombs, two managed to redirect them into the Ork mob, and three men who were stuck, charged bravely towards the following Stormboys, committing an honorable suicide.

[GrapesOnDrapes]

(Sorry if the Assault Pack is random, but my Chaplain is based on this guy:
www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?prodId=prod1050244&rootCatGameStyle=
My entire army is based on my real tabletop army, and I just got this BAMFer. )

[SC74]

Sneeky Stabba rolled to his right, evading the drop-down strike. "Bahaha! Missed me 'umie!" He counters the drop-down, and as the Chaplain lands, he uses his bayonet to stab into your right side. "Haha!"

Sneeky then screamed at the top of his lungs, rallying his men. They ran to him, firing at the Marines as they did so.
"Fall back boyz! We'ez be back lata! Haha!"

[GrapesOnDrapes]

The Chaplain merely gruffed, and ripped the bayonet from his side. He and his men gathered and fired all their bolt pistols at the retreating Orks.

"Tank Commander Arl, proceed the convoy to rendezvous point Maiden, and proceed with the reinforcements to the Ork outpost! Go! The Orks are retreating there!" Marellus ordered, still firing with his pistol.
The Space Marines ceased firing, and regrouped into one large squad.
"Captain Graff, do you hear me on this vox?"
"Loud and clear, Marellus."
"Graff, get your Terminators. All of them. You're going to support the Imperial Guard's assault on the Ork outpost! Strike from the sky!"
"We will soon be ready-we will see you on the battle, Chaplain."
Marellus turned to the his men, and let out a roar.
"Avenge the deaths of your battle-brothers! Charge for the outpost! For the God-Emperor!"